Family!

I've thought a lot about John's post over the past couple of days.. I don't remember the conflicts because, as he said so eloquently, they don't matter. We encircled Dad and each other with the unbreakable bond that had been forged as children. I have watched the videos he so lovingly made, over and over, and each time I recognize his timing of visuals to music.. our smiles, the presence of parents, our friendship, the love.. I agree, we were separated by distance and focused on how to make our own way in the world.. just as Mom and Dad had done when they got into the 1939 Buick with a 1941 engine and headed west.  In doing so, they began their life together.. but the bond they had with their siblings never wavered either and soon, they all came together; to take care of each other and to once again be friends, raise their families together and allow us to have an opportunity to know and love our cousins on both sides. 

While living in Bakersfield on and off over the past 5 months, and most explicitly the 5 weeks before Dad passed away, I was reminded that the journey I take can never really be taken without you boys, because you are so much a part of who I am, who I became. 

Since returning to Utah and back to work, I realize I don't yet have a new normal. I am lonely now without you all. I miss the daily texts, the 10:15 am blog updates, the phone calls and emails, more updates, the conversations, the hugs, the "I love yous".  I have shared with Lee and my children.. my feelings.. I don't have a family of my own without you all.. To have everyone together in Bakersfield.. (which will always be home), was the comfort I needed to be able to grieve, to share, to hug and to move forward.  This doesn't take away from the love I have for my husband and children because to me.. I am me only when I acknowledge that I am a part of all; that is how we were raised. Mom and Dad both gave us the gift of the meaning of family. 

Continue your writing brother dear.. it is truly your gift from God.  You have a special talent.. it is soothing, endearing, funny and enlightened.  I miss you .. and will see you at Thanksgiving .. because that is our family tradition! Tom, Bill, John and Jim.. thank you for being the rocks .. the boulders! on which I can lay a shoulder. Mary, Deb, Ranae and Debbie.. thank you for being sisters - you are my gift! To your kids and grandkids - I love being their Aunt..

Life is good!

PS.. I do wish I had asked Dad, at some point when I was living with him over the summer, the story of the cookie jar..  I loved coming home to find my "Fiddle Sticks".  Until he could not drive anymore, he never forgot to stock the cookie jar for me, but I realize I was so busy putting my hand in the cookie jar, I forgot to look at it!  Now that it sits on my desk.. it's creepy!