October 5 Senior Olympics

Dad was asleep when I arrived, but woke up once I sat on his bed.  His eyes brightened a bit as he said good morning.  I said good morning and I just got the slight movement of his head indicating "nope, can't hear ya".  I just sat there awhile lightly rubbing his legs and arms awake.  He said, "I had a friend from Arkansas who once told me 'My innards don't work so good', now I know what he means."

I put the headphones on and said, "We don't have to go to breakfast if you do not want to.  You can just sleep in.", knowing that whatever he would be able to get down could not possibly be worth the effort of getting up.

"No, we gotta get up and get ready.  I'm not sure what I can eat anymore.  Can't have milk.  Can't have hot chocolate.  But we'll find something.  I want to get up."  We did, it went smoothly, and we headed into the dining room. 

We chose the cream of wheat because it contains no dairy and looked like it had the greatest likelyhood of going down.  He had a few spoonfuls of that, some coffee, and apple juice over the course of half an hour. 

Chuck entertained us with his invention made from a coat hanger.  He could use it to pick up his hat, put on his slippers, scratch his back, even hook one of the girls walking by.  It covered all the necessities in Chuck's life, we surmised.  We tried to come up with a name for it.  I was pushing for the "Chuck Pluck" 'cause you could pluck most anyting from anywhere.  Chuck favored the "I Got It" because that's what you say when it works.  You should see him on an episode of Shark Tank next season or on Kickstarter soon.

We got back to the room and after a bathroom break we sat in the room for 20 minutes or so until it was time to leave.  Dad thought it would be a good idea to get a little cat nap before everyone showed up.  I made sure he was comfortable and we said good-bye.

On the way out I took the long way to see the festival of the Senior Olympics and took a few photos from the iPad.



The Discus

Ladder Golf

 

 

The Crowd Forming

 

Okay, just who in the hell is climbing this wall?!?  If Dad get's a roommate today, it will likely be because they tried to climb this thing!

October 4th - He Can Hear Again

Just a quick update.  Dad bowels have totally abandoned him and he still has a fairly loose stool.  I spoke with Julie about it and she was going to try and insure Dad gets the anti-diarrheal med on a regular basis.  He said he had a dry mouth and as I slowly woke him up he would occasionally just tie his face into a knot by wincing.  I asked him about it, but with no hearing at that point the question was futile.

We got dressed fairly quickly and were in the dining room by 7:30.  He was able to eat more than yesterday, but I do think it was the cause of the problems that arrived around 8:30.  We had to rush back to the room.  Back in the bathroom he complained of his "damn stomach".

The hearing unit has been a ray of sunshine.  Being able to converse with him without having to double the volume of my voice or saying things three times is so much more comfortable I can't even begin to explain.  We spoke of politics and the previous night's debates.  Even though Dad had not seen or heard any of it, he did wonder when he was going to get his absentee ballot.  I asked him how he was going to vote and he said, "Probably with a check mark."  Okay, smartass, "Who you going to vote for?" and he replied by making the flipping-of-a-coin sign.

He asked about the teeth cleaning.  With the Senior Games happening at Rosewood  on Friday and with Aunt Margie in town, Bill, Cate and I did not want to over tax Dad.  I called the hygienist and she has tentatively rescheduled for Saturday morning.

After a rather tough bathroom session we sat in the room just in case anyone was coming by.  Dad was truly looking forward to seeing his little sister.  Finally, around 9 he said, "You got to go to work!" (It amazes me he still has the where-with-all to keep track of that).  I texted Bill and discovered Marge would not be here for a couple of hours.  Dad, slightly disappointed, slightly relieved, said, "Think I'll take a nap then."  I helped him into bed, and said good-bye.

Dental Hygienist Scheduled for Friday

I have, at Dad's request, scheduled Kandace Fillmore, mobile dental hygienist to come out on Friday morning at 9am and give Dad a teeth cleaning.  Kandace is familiar with Dad's current condition.  I had spoken to Pam about the dangers of bacterial infection and did not get a definitive answer.  I will speak with the nurse educator tomorrow.  Kandace only does the mobile on Fridays and I did not want to have to wait another week.

Postscript:  Dad's sister, Marge, flew in from Michian to see him and Rosewood was having their biggest event of the year, The Senior Games, on Friday.  Kandace was graceful enough to switch her schedule around and see Dad on Saturday.

October 3rd Hot Chocolate for Breakfast

Editor's note:  Dad's lone hearing aid finally crapped out.  That thing took a beating between the two different hospitals, home and Rosewood.  I was amazed at the abuse that thing withstood.  The folks at House Hearing Center took excellent care of us, but even they finally said it was hopeless.  We had bought him a little transitor radio sized amplifier from Radio Shack a few months back so he could go to the Community Concerts.  It had a lone, cheap little ear plug.  Somehow, someone found some Noise-Cancelling Bose Headphones and hooked it up to this little device.  The results for Dad were amazing and contributed to the quality of the last month of his life.

Today was quite an improvement over yesterday and I would attribute it to two things.  First, we didn't even try to eat anything.  We had a little orange juice and, at Chuck's suggestion, a cup of hot chocolate.  Second, we put the hearing aid in the left ear and used the headphones and his hearing was markedly improved.

This morning I was running early arriving at 7am.  To my surprise, as I was signing in, the aide informed me Dad was up and in the dining room.  I joined him there.  The conversation was not very lively as, at this time, he was wearing his hearing aid in his right ear and there wasn't much he could hear.  Over the course of the next 40 minutes he sipped on oj and when I told him Chuck was having hot chocolate, he said, "They have hot chocolate?"  "Yep, you want some?"  "Not right now this orange juice is barely staying down".  Not sixty seconds later he leans over and says, "Why don't you see if you can get me some hot chocolate?" 

Dad then needed the bathroom and afterwards, I cleaned his hearing aid with alcohol, and we put it in the left ear and hooked up the headphones.  He was hearing much better and we headed out for some sunshine.  Once there I asked if he wanted to go for a stroll and he said, "It's up to you.  You're the one who will have to do the pushing."  We did a a big loop back to New Stine stopping in front of one of the exercise stations with a bench because I thought it was in the sun.  He told me to "go stand over there and say something"  as he tested his hearing the strength and quality of his headphones.  He moved me around to three or four places so he could test it, like a kid testing a walkie-talkie.  He could hear me speak normally outside from 10 feet a way.  Not bad.

We headed back to the patio and sat for a few moments when he said he wanted to go sit on his patio.  The room was being cleaned, but we made our way through.  He got a little teary.  I don't think it was so much about his general situation as the the specific situation of not being able to swallow anything.  He told me it felt like there was something in there that wouldn't come up and wouldn't go down.  He said it "was like a gas gauge going up and down".  He complained his stomach was tight and had me feel it.  Then he felt mine and I smiled as he commented that my stomach was "a little tight, too".  "Probably just gas", I told him.

Out of the blue he asked about the dental hygenist and I told him if he still wanted her to come I would try and arrange for her to be here Friday.  He said that would be good.  The clock was a bit past nine and I told him I had to leave.  He said, "Take me inside and point me towards the bathroom."  I kissed him good-bye and headed for the store.

Oh, and Wi-fi users you might know this already, but I discovered a couple of days ago my iPad would keep switching to a "Handheld" network and that was very slow.  When I told it to forget that network it worked much more reliably.

October 2nd - The Sound is Out

Moon Over Rosewood

Dad was sleeping at seven and was still hooked up to the IV.  His hearing aid was in the case, thanks Tom, but the battery seem dead.  I put another one in and it didn't seem very loud.  I woke Dad up and had him put it in and he could not hear anything.  I put it in my pocket and grabbed a cleaning kit and wipe from the hearing aid bag that had just been restocked, thanks again Tom.

Dad and I used sign language to get dressed and use the bathroom.  Chuck was waiting (or napping) for us in the dining room.  I told him we had lost our sound system, but that didn't slow him down much.  Dad started on the cream of wheat and I did a filter change on the hearing aid.  It must have been quite clogged with wax because the test noise it makes sounded almost twice as loud. 

Dad had some coffee, a bite or two of the cream of wheat, and maybe a bite or two of the scrambled eggs.  Back at the room he used the bathroom and went back to bed.  The Physical Therapist came in and scheduled a time of 11 am for his PT. 

I finally got a chance to introduce myself to Pam.  We talked about Dad's meds and she directed me to Robena at the nurses' office.  I spoke to her about switching Dad's anti-diarrheal from "as needed" to twice daily.  I told her I would love nothing better than to report Dad was constipated.

Dad was asleep when I left and I didn't wake him.  As I had sat with him I could tell he was still cold.  On the way to work I stopped in at a CVS to see if they still made hot water bottles.  I picked one up, took it to work, where Cate stopped by for a nice conversation and took the water bottle and some heat pads to see if they would give Dad any relief from the cold he was feeling.

In other news, Tak Takvorian called me at the store yesterday asking about Dad's condition.  That was kinda rough conversation.  They wanted to know if they could come down to see him.  I tried to prepare them for what they might encounter, but I don't think it will help much.  John and Nancy Thomas also asked me if they thought it would help if they went by and saw Dad.  I left it up to them.  Then Becci Bishop texted me last night and asked if she could come by at 3:30 Tuesday afternoon and bring the kids.  I directed her to Cate since she would have a better idea on how his afternoon was going.  Bill is in town.  He came by train.  There was a train that derailed near Hanford yesterday.  It wasn't the one Bill was on.  Good job, Bill.  I think Marge arrives on Wednesday and Jim will be here soon.  It's nice to be around family.

A Conversation about God and Dying

These are special times.  To be able to sit with Dad and talk about life in this context is difficult to say the least, but also really special.  John left around 8:30 and Dad decided he would like to take a nap.  As he sat up in bed, we started by having a conversation about the Marines.  He asked what I was reading and I told him I had found a book at his house called "Deceit at Pearl Harbor" and said, "That books true you know."  He told me how he felt so unprepared when he was a Marine, he thought the training is so much better now days, but quickly added, he was sure glad he wasn't fighting the war in Afghanistan. He said, "Its good I didn't have to go ashore in Iwa Jima.. I would have drowned I had so much equipment on." The conversation moved to a quick memory of a time when Uncle Frank was in Taipan and Dad was stationed in Iwa Jima.  They took leave together and Dad went to Taipan to hang with Frank for a week.  He said it was a good time, but it made him nervous to be around so many Japanese, as we were fighting them.  I asked him if he remembered first meeting mom.. he said, "Oh sure.. we both worked at H.S. Martin together. We started off as friends." I asked how long they dated before he proposed.. his reply was "3 months"... (me) "seriously? was it love at first sight or something?"  (dad) "I just knew she was a good gal" (me) .. "she was indeed"  We talked about old family friends, the Siebals, Wilfongs and Bouchards... Then I mustered the courage and got something off my chest.. I asked, "Dad, do you believe in God?"  His response.."Ah, hon.. I don't want to screw you up, but no" (me) "Why?" (Dad) "Because then I'd be mad." (me) "Why?" (Dad) "Because I don't know why this is happening to me.. I figure I must have done something really bad."  And off we went on a journey together that I will cherish forever....
(me) "Do you think Mom is waiting for you Dad"
(Dad) "No"
(me) "Do you think there is a Heaven?"
(Dad) "No"
(me) "Why?"
(Dad) "Because it's not practical.  With all of the gillions of people who are born and die.. I just can't see it, it doesn't make any sense to me."
(me) "So, do you think you just go in the ground, end of story?"
(Dad) "Yip..That's it.. From Dust we came and dust we shall return, that's what they say."
(me) "Dad.. that's from the Bible."
(Dad).."Hmmm"  You know.. Mother Nature is something else ...
(me) "What do you mean?"
(Dad).. "Well, the first week I was here (Rosewood), I looked around the dining room and I thought, man, I wouldn't change places with a single one of them .. now I think there are a couple of people here I might .. "  we laughed.
(me)  "Dad, may I share with you what I believe.. I don't want to screw you up either"
(Dad)  "Sure hon"
(me) "I believe in God. I choose to believe that God has a plan and that each one of our lives are part of His plan."
(Dad) "But Cathi, your mom was a good woman.. she didn't deserve to go that way..we were taking a walk, that's all.. and she tripped and I couldn't help her. (he started to tear)  I didn't even get to say goodbye.That's not fair..  "
(me) "But dad.. she had such a good life with you.. and you're right, that was hard on you.. on all of us.. but you know what dad? we all learned from that.. we learned to tell the people we love that we do love them, not to let words go unsaid. And mom didn't suffer. And now, we have all had this time with you and it is such a blessing, these talks, these times with you.. the closeness. We are saying things that are important to say."
(Dad) "Yeah, you might be right." (unconvincingly)
(me) "I believe our lives are a journey, and had this not happened then the past few months of conversation, the closeness your children have with you and each other, the way it has brought our family together, they might have not happened... and we wouldn't have met Chuck (resident at Rosewood).. and you know Dad, he told me that you were his best friend here, that he feels so welcome in your family. He comes to check on you everyday.. and give you an upbeat comment .. but mostly, I would not want to give back one second of this time with you, not one single second."
(Dad) "Well, I never thought about it like that."
(Me) "Would you do me a small favor?"
(Dad) "Sure, hon"
(Me) When you think you might be ready, would you think about why you lost your faith in God and think about how you might reconnect? Maybe it might help, maybe it wouldn't .. But if there is even the smallest chance that I thought you would be welcomed Home by Grandma Harrer, Uncle Frank, Bob, Aggie and Mom.. well.. I think that is way better than thinking about just going in the dirt.. and it might make it easier for you to not be afraid of going.. "
(Dad) "Sure, I'll do that.. but Cathi.. you won't ever really know."
(Me) "Oh I will dad, that is where my faith comes in.. I do believe they are waiting to welcome you home.. I mean.. I don't think it is a place.. and I can't explain it.. it's not like a condo settlement in the sky.. but I do believe our souls are returned home to the promise of God.. and I know He will help you to find a way to let me know you are safe and sound, back in His loving arms.. and you'll tell Mom how proud you are of the way you raised us kids...and you'll be happy"
(Dad) "Okay hon.. I will, I will try real hard."
(me) "You've taught me a lot dad.. You are more than a soldier.. you are a warrior.. and you have fought the battle."
(Dad) "Well, I sure tried my damnedest"
(me) "I love you dad"
(Dad) "I love you too hon"

I am sure much of that was more for me than him.. but the conversation flowed so smoothly.. it was teary and sad.. but not painful..And with that.. he had fallen asleep and slept until it was time for lunch.  He had a cup of soup (chicken broth) and some jello.The PT came in and asked if he was up for some therapy...he pondered the idea for a while and then, in true form... said "sure, might as well"  After, we went and sat outside on the patio for awhile, then he wanted to go in for  nap.  Bill came in town..  Bill and Tom took Lee to get some lunch (thank you brothers), Amelia, Mary and I went to Mimi's and had french onion soup (thanks so much, Mary). We got back in time for dinner with Dad (where he ate a cup of soup again) -and then Amelia and Lee had a hard time saying goodbye... a pain we have all felt.  Bill and I sat with dad for a while and I started typing.  I walked out of the room a couple of times and as I did, I realized I am in awe of the strength of these lovely and gentle elderly people.  They always have a smile and a "good day"  Some are forgetful, others recovering from some thing or other..Dad woke up for a bit.. he was teary.. I asked him what was going on and he said, "I never thought this would happen" I said, "I am so sorry dad" He said, "and in just a little bit too" I said "I know... it's hard, it happened so fast".. and with that, he took my hand and kissed it... and said "Did I say Happy Birthday?"  I told him, "You did.. in so many ways" He said, "Oh good"   I love this man!!! He teaches me more about me every day!!! I am blessed!

October 1st - The Nausea Gets Worse

I wish there were more to report, but it is very similar to yesterday.  Dad was asleep when I arrived.  As I was waking him up an aide came in, got him up and very efficiently got him to the bathroom and ready for breakfast. 

In the dining room he sipped on his apple juice as we waited for an omelet.  We tried a little conversation, but frankly he looked exhausted.  I cut the omelet up for him, but a few bites in he just stopped.  Ten minutes later he started to choke up both emotionally and physically and we exited as quickly as possible.  Back in the bathroom he handed me a wad of napkin with what he had just tried to eat this morning, then started to cry.  He told me he just didn't know what to do anymore.  Forgive me, but I told him it was okay for him to give up.  For what it's worth I don't think he heard me.

I helped him a little and then gave him some privacy.  Cate and Amelia came in a few moments later and Cate helped him get cleaned up again.  The PT came in wanting Dad for a session.  We got her to hold off for an hour.  She had many questions and concerns for us and I just side-stepped as many as I could.  Dad came out a few minutes later.  I hung around long enough to wish Cate a Happy Birthday and give Amelia a hug before she and Lee headed home today.  Dad looked like he was dozing off and I kissed him good-bye.