October 20th - Not a Tug-O-War But a Marathon

Can it get much quieter?  Dad his sleeping soundly on his left side. The hum of the oxygen machine and the air mattress drone on. My guess, who knows, we'll have this with maybe intermittent spurts of discomfort. It's up to the drugs now.

I was thinking of a tug-of-war analogy. Sometimes the rope went through his hands so fast it has burned. Other times, he has been able to get his feet under him and dig in for the long fight. Now, hands full of sweat, he can no longer maintain a grip.

But, the analogy does not work. It implies HE lost. In a game of tug-of-war, there is a winner and loser. From the beginning of the game there is an equal chance for either side to win.  No one has ever won against Dad's opponent.   If the only possible outcome is the one he is experiencing, how can we call it a loss?

While he may not feel like it, he should be doing a victory dance.  Think about the runner at the end of a marathon.  Tired, spent, usually down on all fours gasping for air.  This does not look like a winner.  But, by the time they get to the podium they are composed, refreshed, and filled with vitality.

Dad has just finished his marathon.  It has taken him to some very wonderful places. He has climbed some hills and has enjoyed coasting down the back side. (Side note:  That last sentence reminded me of the times Dad would turn off the car engine and coast down a hill to save gas and scare the crap out of Mom. Where was that?).  Anyway, he's at the end of the race now. If he looked all fresh and shiny it would have only been because he strolled the whole way.  He did not stroll. He might of danced a bit. He definitely stopped along the way to make friends. He enjoyed himself. He did not stroll.

More importantly, Dad never lost his mental faculties. I know that was one of his greatest fears. Likely all of our greatest fear. (Vanny has come in to turn Dad so I've moved to the garden). That's quite a race. Eighty-eight and he had it right to the end. I know after he has crossed the finish line he will look battered and beaten. Entirely spent. He should. He has had a good race. Don't worry. By the time he gets to the winner's podium he'll be composed, refreshed, and full of vitality.