Dear Dad:
I miss you already. Over the past 6 months, I watched you fight
the battle of your life. So many times, we would gather around you thinking
this was it, and yet you fought to stay, you fought to tell us one more story,
to give one more kiss, to say one more “I love you.” And so now, with the
reality that your final day came I say.. no, wait a minute, I’m not ready.
To share this last month with you and the boys, by
your side, learning more about you, watching your strength as you faced each
day during this illness, was awe-inspiring.
To sit on the side of your bed, with my head on your shoulder while we
cried together and then fifteen minutes later getting beat in a game of 5
Straight, as you bucked up for me, helped me to focus on remembering the life I
had being your daughter… not the sadness of not having those moments with you
anymore.
You were the perfect father, advisor, friend and
partner in crime. Whether I was getting
in trouble as a teenager ~ or moving to
Los Angeles to ‘be on my own’, taking the leap to move to Utah, even though I
would be so far away from family, going back to school at 50, or any other
decision I’ve made, you were always there to say either “learn from it, and
then it isn’t a mistake” or “go for it, you never know until you try”. What a wonderful example of how to live life
to it’s fullest.
Dad, I will always cherish the memories I have of
you with my children, whether it was playing tennis or just hanging out, you
gave them someone to admire, to love and to learn from. And I have a favorite
memory – when we went together to visit Jim in Bend. We decided to drive home
down the Northern California Coast where the roads were wind ee ...a dadism, "man, you can see yourself comin and
goin on this road” We decided to spend
the night so we could enjoy Mendocino the next day, but because of a big reggae
festival we couldn’t find a hotel room anywhere. Finally, after over 12 hours on the road we
pulled in to a Denny’s parking lot and slept in the car. You never complained, even though the
quarters within the Ford were small and the weather was cold and dreary. We got up early the next morning and went in
to Denny’s for a hot breakfast. As we were having a cup of coffee, you lifted
your cup for a toast and said, “Hon, next time we want to do a bed and
breakfast, let’s not get it backwards, okay hon?” We laughed, finished our
breakfast and went off on an adventure to find the glass beach. You sent me
down the side of a cliff to pick glass pebbles and then held out your hand to
help me back up. You were always doing that, Dad. It was a perfect vacation.
So, THANK YOU Dad, for being the person who set the
bar for the man I wanted to marry and the sons I wanted to raise. Thank you for being someone who would inform
my daughter on what to expect from a hard-working, honest and decent man. Thank you for always looking forward and only
looking back with gratitude, love and fondness for the opportunities you were
given and the choices you made from those opportunities. Thank you for giving me the strength to
spread my wings and explore what life had in store for me, it took me around
the world and settled me exactly where I was meant to be. I am grateful that you are you and I am
blessed that my eyes were open enough to recognize the true sparkle of you. You are truly a one-in-a million man.
I am deeply proud of your accomplishments, your
service to family, God and Country. And
finally Dad, thank you for providing us with a strong, loving home where now,
we can all face this difficult time together.
That home is always in my heart, no matter where I am or how far away I
might be and because of you, I know we will all make it through this painful
experience together, with love and comfort. Give mom a hug and kiss from all of
us and remember your promise. It was one of the last nights we had together
while you were still able to speak, you told me not to worry, I said, But Dad,
I’m, scared.. and after a few minutes you said, Don’t worry hon, I’ll always
find you”. I love you Dad, with all my
heart, and then some.
Your Daughter, Cathi.
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